Army Special Officer #22839 Phone Calls

Have you ever received a telemarketing call? Of course they can be annoying. But have you received 83 calls from a schizophrenic at an insane asylum? A woman who called herself "Army Special Officer #22839" called a political organization, I volunteered at, in the Spring and Summer of 2005. She left messages with useless information about the upcoming Armeggedon, Jesse Ventura Body Doubles, David Arquette, and the upcoming British Invasion.

On the caller ID it came up from a Kansas Insane Asylum. We called but the receptionist couldn't identify the woman. The Special Officer kept calling over and over again, even though we never talked to her. Sometimes she would hang up when we were answering calls. We never knew this woman's name or why she had called us. The photo to the left is not her actual photo. This is just a depiction of what she may look like... insane.

Then our office started receiving multiple bulky packages in the mail. The packages were from Officer #22839. There were hundreds of photo-copied pages of cut up articles, sketches, and notes.

Then in 2009 I did some web searching and FOUND HER INSANE WEBSITE. But her front page doesn't allow you to get into her site. But with a little digging, we found an entry point. Scroll down to start viewing the various articles. Her site is similar to the old where you could click on words or images and travel through the site not knowing where you'll end up. Her site also has similar, insane navigation, but with the crazy articles like

Warning: If you listen to all the clips and read all the articles in one sitting, your head will literally fucking explode!

March 2005
01. Introduction to Army Special Officer #22839 mp3
02. I Am Not Crazy, But I'm In A Mental Hospital mp3
03. Body Doubles from the White House mp3
04. Wonderful Brave Young Man Pauley Shore mp3
05. Sex with Body Doubles and Campfire Signals mp3
06. John Ashcoft is a Red Head and a Body Double mp3
07. The Armeggedon from the Hoover Dam and the Turkish mp3
08. Quantum Leaps, the Kennedy Assasination and 17 murders mp3
09. The Sheriff of Nottingham and the U.S. Military mp3
10. No Trials. No Smiles. mp3
11. They are Taking My Mind/Jesse Ventura mp3
12. I am Not Crazy mp3
13. There is a God mp3
14. I Believe In Jesse Ventura The Navy Seal mp3
15. Surfing The Net for Jesse Ventura mp3
16. The Serum is Real mp3
17. Sheriffs and More Rambling mp3
18. Montell Williams, Arnold Schwarzenneger mp3
19. G.W. is a Body Double and Condoleezza Rice is Stupid mp3
20. Suing the State of Kansas for $100,000,000 mp3
21. Read Vogue Magazine and the Patriot Act mp3
22. The End of Days/Protect Yourself From The British mp3
23. Predictions for Dangerous Days/Apocalyptic Rapture of White People mp3
24. The Flavor Of The Month is the End of The World mp3
25. I Can't Breathe mp3
26. Not Attached to a Machine... Attached to a Happening mp3

April 2005
27. In-Style Magazine, the British Invasion Level 5 and Grandma mp3
28. Grandma Murdered by White People/Loop Holes in the Louisiana Purchase/Bob Dole mp3
29. Commander Ventura's Son and the GAP mp3
30. Lynard Skynard, the Explosion of Kansas and Demons will Walk Free mp3
31. What Minnesota Means and Jesse Ventura mp3
32. Kansas Will Blow Up, Body Doubles, KKK Chameleons and the Bible mp3
33. Book of Galations and Warning of the Warlocks and Witches mp3
34. Torture, Minerals Springs of Minnesota, the Beverly Hillbillies and Elly May mp3
35. Read All Newsweeks in April and the Machine to Start World War III mp3
36. Judgement Day is Coming and I Will Have Nothing But Panties and a Cigarette mp3
37. Having a Horrible Day and the Plan to Stay Alive mp3
38. More Rambling About the Government and Body Doubles mp3
39. Commander Ventura and Crazy Perspectives mp3
40. Contaminated Young People and Taking a Fun Test mp3
41. Jesse Ventura's Statement/Killing Social Security with the State of Kansas/Total Anarchy mp3
42. Kansas and Missouri are Mine/George W. Bush is Not A Valid President/The Apache mp3
43. Nervous Breakdown/The Release of Alaska and Hawaii mp3
44. Free and Unite Mexico and Defeat the White People//Finishing the Letter From Jesse Ventura mp3
45. President Jesse Ventura and the Apache Commander mp3
46. The End Times mp3
47. All-Night Torture with Jesse Ventura and Jewish Lawyers mp3
48. John Ashcroft's Body Double mp3
49. Never Adopt Children... You May Adopt A Monster mp3
50. Passing the Bar Exam to Become The Most Insane Lawyer to Will Sue Anyone Anywhere mp3

June 2005
51. Jesse Ventura Promises you a Role in his Next Movie mp3
52. I Will Take Any Tests to Prove My Competence mp3
53. Lots Of Phone Calls to Washington mp3
54. They Are Ripping Out My Innards and I Can't Breathe mp3
55. I Am Not Crazy and Kansas Is Going to Blow Up mp3
56. Crying Session About Jesse Ventura and Black People mp3
57. I Am Competent and These Women are Crazy mp3
58. Everyone's Trying To Kill Me mp3
59. I Cured AIDS and Black People mp3
60. Hoover Dam and More Ranting mp3
61. Tennessee is Full of Maniacs + A Fantastic Rant mp3
62. Dukes Of Hazzard Explosives mp3
63. Women IN Here Are Crazy mp3
64. Al Gore's Real Name, Nuclear Waste, the Hoover Dam, and Radioactive Urine mp3
65. Mason Dixon is Superman, and so is G. Gordon Liddy mp3
66. The World Bank mp3
67. Computer Chips in the Money, the IMF, and Commander Ventura mp3
68. Transformed By Radio mp3
69. Your Body Is A Natural Receiver mp3
70. Talkin' Trash and White People mp3
71. Worldly Prostitute and Rant On The Insane Asylum mp3
72. Envelopes mp3
73. They Stab People mp3
74. Sobbing and Sobbing mp3
75. Governor Ventura Can't Get Out mp3
76. We Need To Bear Arms and Terminate Units mp3
77. Panama Canal and Pan Am mp3
78. Wizard Of Oz and Jesse Ventura Moved The Sun mp3
79. Colin Powell Is A Dragon/Raping Kids mp3
80. Never Put Your Kids In Yearbooks/Time Travel/Semen Donations mp3
81. DNA/Check Out The Shoes mp3
82. David Arquette and Celebrities and Yearbooks mp3
83. White People Lie mp3

Those audio clips were in the Spring and Summer 2005. Eventually we had AT&T block calls from that area code in Kansas, because her calls to our 800 number were costing us a fortune!

Army Special Officer #22839 Website Links

Here are varios links to her website. I'll also showcase a few of my favorite bizarre animated GIFs from her website. These are just some of the pages. I'm sure you can uncover more.

The insanity continues on this page and keeps going and going and going... I can't even post the hundreds of articles.

Here's some typical writings, which were photo-copied and sent to us.

And she has a very weird Photo Slide Show:

Have comments?
Email me. I may post your comments on this page.


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